1967 Mercury Monterey for sale by owner - Carson City, NV - craigslist (2024)

Wait, did I mention that this car needs EVERYTHING????

Let me be absolutely clear: The ONLY reason to reply to this ad is because you haven’t read it, you do NOT want a ‘67 Mercury MAJOR PROJECT, you have NO idea what is involved with such a project, and you absolutely WILL waste my time asking me stupid questions about minor details, only to then tell me you need to do more research. I LOVE PEOPLE LIKE YOU. The more indecisive the better. You people are the lifeblood of craigslist and what it’s all about. I post things here specifically because I love interacting with you so much! Can you feel the love??

Wait wait wait, hold on.. scratch that, let me change my tune a little bit.. the ONLY reason to reply is to tell me you understand that it is a MAJOR PROJECT, you understand that it needs EVERYTHING, you have a thousand dollars cash in hand, a trailer or tow truck to haul it, you’ve done ALL your research, gotten permission from your wife or whoever controls your life (pathetic!) and you will be coming over to make a deal within 48 hours of replying to this ad. If you reply on a Monday only to tell me you can’t look at it until next weekend, YOU FAILED. If any of that rubs you the wrong way or doesn’t work for you, DO NOT REPLY TO THIS AD. It’s really that simple. My goal is to sell this car, not show it to idiots and entertain dreamers who have no idea what they’re looking at. If you aren’t SERIOUS ABOUT BUYING THIS CAR, I DO NOT want to talk to you!

Jekyll and Hyde much?? You’re darn tootin’. I’m just trying to be more like the average craigslist user. Baby don’t be so MEAN!!

Ok finally, the good part - Frequently Asked Questions! Let’s see how many you can get right.

“Can you tell me a little more about the car and what all it needs? I’m illiterate and I don’t know what ‘everything’ means.”
Oh, off to a good start I see. Some of the answers to these questions just write themselves.

“Does it run??”
There are no limits to the imaginative mind of a kid with a car-bed. Did you dream of winning the Indy 500 as a kid? Or maybe pikes peak hill climb? Choose your own adventure! Vroom VROOOOM!!

“Does the top work?”
Yes, it’s down - the only place a convertible top should ever be. And that’s where it will stay, unless you decide to be an idiot and fix it. Who the hell puts the top up on a convertible anyway?? People who miss the point, that’s who.

“How bad is the rust?”
Oh, a legitimate question.. I’m not used to those. Well, put it this way: any body shop or even mildly competent welder on the planet can fix it easily. No sarcasm, it really is not bad at all.. unless you’re an idiot and you think ANY rust on a fifty seven year old car means OMG IT’S TOTALLED!!!!11

“What if I want to buy it, but my balls are buried at the bottom of my wife’s purse underneath her boyfriend’s love letters?”
Sorry buddy, can’t help you there. Some of us are still men who actually managed to retain our balls throughout our whole lives, thus ensuring that we get to do what we want with our time and money. Sadly, we’re becoming a dying breed. By the way, if this one stings a little bit, you really should analyze why that is and do something about it instead of thinking I’m somehow the bad guy for pointing out reality.

“Do you have the title?”
Ooh, another legitimate question.. yes, I have a clean Nevada title in hand. Now stop that, I’m not used to real questions.

“Will you take $400 and deliver it to Coachella for me? I’ll have cash waiting for you when you get there.”
There, that’s more like it! Yes, give me the address of the nearest Starbucks and I’ll meet you there soon, I promise. Just wait outside for me, I’ll be there soon. No, really, I will.

“Would you trade for a PS3, two broken electric guitars and a quarter ounce of weed?”
Only if you throw in a 12 pack of Natty Ice or something with it, brah.

“What’s the least you’ll take for it?”
I need about.. tree fiddy. Or a pack of graham crunchy things.

“What if I’m a totally legitimate buyer, I know what I’m getting into, I definitely want this car and I can come pick it up today, but I read your whole ad and think you’re a major asshole and want nothing to do with you??”
Welcome to the party, pal! You passed the test. I’ll help you load your new purchase onto your trailer and throw in a couple goodies since you actually came through and made good on a deal. I like dealing with people like you who know what time it is. We’ll get along just fine. Enjoy your new project.